is fucking hard. I am trying my best to be as elaborate as possible without being as cheesy or redundant either, and it’s just building at a slow, snail’s pace. I just hope it turns out well.

symphonyofblood:

What the fuck is up with myspace. every time i log on from the computer it seems to have gotten more and more retarded.

Ok, I get it, it’s easy and it’s fun. You get to wear scantily clad clothing and looking ridiculous - somtimes ridiculously cool - but why must you dress up as a zombie every year? Be more creative, think outside of the box; maybe be a mormon for halloween, now that’s scary.

 

so, it’s late at night; i couldn’t sleep; so what do i do? I watch an indie movie about road trips and prostitution.

It wasn’t terrible, except for the predictable heart-warming fulfilling ending that the wayward girl encountered at the end.

I enjoy an occasional good, heartfelt ending to a movie sometimes, but this had to end in tragedy and gut wretching sorrow; it had to of, it would have made it complete.

I guess this expresses my inner most disturbance.

I have decided after my previous post, that I am reserving this for things, thoughts, mental artillery, and any other form of self expression that is not reduced, and deduced to whiney, melodramatic crap; that’s reserved for my melodramatic account (finds the humor in the irony).

This is my special account, my unknown account; my account for those I want to know what is really going on in my mind. Those people are special to me, and/or I just don’t care what they think of my mental discord.  

So, I say good night to you melodramatic, whiney, sniffling emo girl and hello to someone with meaningful thoughts and something worth saying.

As a final note, a poem:

don’t worry baby
don’t you worry
it’s 1 am in the morning
and night has danced and spiraled out of place
and the morning has come to repeat its reign
everything seems so serene and peaceful
everything seems so ok
but when the sun peaks from its slumber
you’ll remember why you hate the daylight
you’ll remember again
why it is you despise the light
it is then that things are in disarray
and what was once calm and still
is shaken
and the climb is now up hill
but you can’t go forever chasing the moonlight
dear moth
you can’t go forever
and your flame will fade like the rest of time tells
and you too will fade like a candle on sahmain
just learn to hold your breath for alittle while longer
just remember it will not always be this way
and that mornings light will glisten and
you will learn to love the basking glow of the suns embrace

What to do with a heroin user?
She doesn’t usually recreationally, or even that often, but once - ok; twice, beacuse she assumes you hung up on her - bullshisse!
This is bullshit.
I am reduced to drinking to releave my anger, which could turn into something more dangerous, but I decided to drink to just relax.
I know I shouldn’t be drinking but at this point, I don’t know what else to do when I feel like this. I feel like I have no one to talk to, who … who’d understand….
or who would really care.

Bri doesn’t know I am with meg, and out of my best interest, she would disappose;
Rightfully so.
I just am confused.
Somehow I was fine with the one hit, but after she used the “me hanging up once on her” excuse, that set me off - what bull shit! WHAT FUCKING BULLSHIT!

Fuck this.
Fuck relationships.
fuck everyone.
drink peacfully.